1. Since the last SOTU, the economy has created 1.9 million private sector jobs. [Source]
2. The top 1 percent take home 24 percent of the nation’s income, up from about 9 percent in 1976. [Source]
3. Private sector job creation under Obama in 2011 was larger than seven out of the eight years Bush was president. [Source]
4. Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, 2.5 million young adults gained health insurance. [Source]
5. Last year, China spent 9 percent of its GDP on infrastructure. The U.S. spent 2.5 percent. [Source]
6. “In 2011, the United States killed Al Qaeda’s most effective propagandist, Anwar al-Awlaki; its operating chief, Atiyah Abd al-Rahman; and of course its founder, chief executive and spiritual leader, Osama bin Laden.” [Source]
American citizens can be ordered to decrypt their PGP-scrambled hard drives for police to peruse for incriminating files, a federal judge in Colorado ruled today in what could become a precedent-setting case.
Recently, Paula Deen has admitted that she’s had Type II Diabetes for years. Accordingly, she’s putting out a cookbook of healthy food. Here are some excerpts!
1 lb. bag of Skittles
3 cups ranch dressing
Mix well. Serve room temperature.
PAULA’S BROWN RICE
1 pilaf white rice
1 bowl melted Junior Mints
Cover rice in chocolate. Serve with maple syrup to taste. To splurge, top with a sprinkle of sausage calzones.
SCRAMBLED EGG WHITES
1 dozen (12) Cadbury eggs
2 lbs. Frito crumbs
1 package extra-fat pork lard
1 pilaf Paula’s brown rice
Break the Cadbury eggs and harvest the crème-filled white centers. Dip them in the Frito crumbs. Put the lard (make SURE to get the extra-fat kind or it will be BLAND) in a frying pan on high heat, and fry the crème centers until golden-brown. Serve on a bed of Paula’s brown rice.
PAULA’S GARDEN BURGER
3 bags Olive Garden® Endless Breadsticks
12 Olive Garden® Stuffed Mushrooms
1 plate Olive Garden® New! Baked Pasta Romana with Chicken
4 Olive Garden® Black Tie Mousse Cakes
1 slice American cheese (optional)
Smash all of the Olive Garden® foods together until they resemble a large patty and top with cheese. For lowest calories, hold the cheese.
PAULA’S GUILT-FREE FAT-FREE® SMOOTHIE
34 lbs. sugar
Put sugar in smoothie glass and drink with straw, serve chilled in white wine tumblers or, for special occasions, lap from trough. This delicacy is guilt-free since you can make a conscious choice not to feel guilty about anything you put in your body like Paula does!
BUFFET AND A BURGER
1 Las Vegas buffet
Christmas-themed elastic pants (optional)
Go to Las Vegas buffet. Make sure the buffet has burgers, or provide your own. Do NOT walk around the buffet. Get a motorized scooter, or stay in one spot and use a jaws of life to pick some of each buffet food out of the tubs and put it on your burger. Elastic pants are nice because your gupa (gunt-fupa) stays nicely inside the stretchy pants except for a few folds of fat with stretch marks that seep out of the pants.
PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLIES
18 sticks of butter, mashed
1 pair Jellies shoes
Cover the shoes with butter and top with the peanut, and then eat the shoes. If you eat shoes it’s like you’re exercising so it’s VERY healthy.
PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® PIZZA PANTS
10’x20’ swath of pizza
Another pizza to use as pepperonis on the pizza
FYI the mushrooms are stuffed with smaller pizzas
Smuckers magic shell ice cream topping
3 bags gummy bears
Caesar salad dressing
Wood chips (as a thickener)
1 sewing machine
1 sewing pattern for pants (size XXXL)
Mushrooms are a vegetable and there are definitely some mushrooms on that pizza so technically they are HEALTHY-style pizza pants. Take the really big pizza. Put all of the other ingredients on the pizza. Pour the coke on the pizza. Dip the pizza in the fondue, and resist eating it before you make it into pants, no cheating!!! Sew that pizza into pants using the machine and the pattern. Make sure to sew in some pockets so you can keep a few extra spare Pizza Pockets in your pizza pockets!!!! Then eat your pants!!!!!!!!!!!
PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® TURTURTURDUCKDUCKENDUCKEN
Stuff a turducken in a turducken in a turducken. While you’re waiting for it to cook, make your fat niece make you some pizza pants while you’re watching Pawn Stars and eat your pants and then slap your niece.
INSULIN AU GRATIN
1 insulin shot
15 lbs. block of cheddar cheese
Bury insulin shot in cheese. When you’re going into a diabetic coma, just eat your way to the shot!! Eat the cheese fast or you’ll die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Parkinson’s Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
Wadsworth Constant: The constant is 30 percent, which is alleged to be the portion of an Internet video that can be skipped at the beginning without missing anything important.
Mooers’ Law: An information retrieval system will tend not to be used whenever it is more painful and troublesome for a customer to have information than for him/her not to have it.
Hick’s Law: Describes the time it takes for a person to make a decision as a result of the possible choices he or she has. The more options someone has, the longer it takes for decisions to be made.
Gall’s Law: A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked. The inverse proposition also appears to be true. A complex system designed from scratch never works and cannot be made to work; you have to start over, beginning with a working simple system.
Brook’s Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes the project delivered later. Often people assume that adding more people late to a project will cause the project to speed up, but the ramp-up time for initiating someone to the project, as well as the change in communication dynamics often causes the opposite to be true.
Amara’s Law: We tend to overestimate the effect of a technology in the short run and underestimate the effect in the long run.
Dunbar’s Number: The maximum amount of stable, social connections someone can sustain. While there is no definitive number, most people estimate this number to be around 150. This number was identified by Robin Dubar in 1992, but it is interesting to reflect on this number with the rise of connections people have made through social media channels like Facebook and Twitter.
Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
Segal’s Law: A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure. In other words, conflicting info adds another layer of confusion.
Sowa’s Law: Whenever a major organization develops a new system as an official standard for X, the primary result is the widespread adoption of some simpler system as a de facto standard for X.